Lydia Powell’s road to sobriety

29 Jan

Interview with Lydia Powell – Confidence, ADHD, and Sobriety

Part 1: Introduction

This interview features Lydia Powell, a confidence coach who first appeared on the podcast in 2023. In her previous appearance, Lydia explored confidence coaching, the impact of being misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder, neurodivergency in women, and her experiences with a tic disorder.

In this conversation, Lydia opens up about her journey with sobriety, self-medicating for her neurodivergent traits and further exploring the complexities of being neurodivergent and with discussing her autistic traits. She shares her insights on neurodivergency, addiction, and personal growth, which she documents on TikTok (@the.confidentwoman) and Instagram (@theconfident.woman). For readers affected by topics discussed can access support at neurorainbowproject.com/olivebranch

Part 2: Lydia’s Journey – From Misdiagnosis to ADHD Acceptance

Exploring what journey Lydia has been on and how ADHD affects herself

Context Note: Lydia when this interview was conducted was 29 years old and received diagnosis of ADHD in May 2021 and was misdiagnosed initially with Bipolar disorder in April of 2020.

Like most neurodivergent women Powell diagnosed in her adulthood with her neurodivergent conditions and self-diagnoses with autism. Her diagnosis came as a ‘relief’ after previously being wrongly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Soon after her diagnosis she experienced an identity crisis. Experiencing an identity crises isn’t uncommon as people are often engaged to learn about their disabilities and how they are impacted by the condition they have been diagnosed with and what changes can be made in their life to accommodate for their needs. Although Powell expressed relief with her diagnosis she shares how a diagnosis “there's something wrong with me.” As you force to confront your own internalised ableism and societal struggles for disabled people that you find yourself looking across the social, political and economic issues of the disabled and neurodivergent communities that you find yourself in. This decade of Lydia Powell’s twenties has been a challenging decade for herself as she has learnt everything she knows now about disability and neurodiversity,

When receiving a diagnoses of ADHD Lydia was sent down a rabbit hole of research and self discovery recognising her impulsivity, hyper-focus and inattentiveness on. Through research and introspection of which she describes as “my identity crisis”she learnt how intertwined her ADHD is realising “having ADHD is who I am!”

It was in this identity crisis that became a period of neurodivergent burnout for Lydia where she had decided to quit her corporate job and breakaway from her routine and duties she struggled with in moment of burnout. Prior to this burnout she would’ve described herself as a workaholic who was “burning the candle at both ends.” By day working hard and by night partying harder which was only making her health worse as what she became to depend upon self-medicating her problems by heavily smoking marijuana “I hadn't necessarily identified as [a means of] me trying to treat myself. It's subconscious.”

This year Lydia returned workplace into and a office environment into a corporate role. with amazing skills that I've learned in this period in between. I handled my anxiety so much better. I handled the work life balance much better. She recognised how much “office environment and that corporate structure does not suit me I am not a natural office dweller. The way that my brain works just does not fit into that box.” Continuing to say “I'm going to find a place where I fit in. I've always been very career focused.“ Offering sage advice to neurodivergent people in the workplace “You've got to find the right environment. You've got to surround yourself with the right people. “

Part 3: Lydia Powell’s story of drug and substance use addiction

The link between neurodivergency, ADHD and addiction

In exploring substance use and addiction of a drug like cannabis is something that is stigmatised but can be found to be common with those who are neurodivergent including having mental illnesses that can include Bipolar disorder of which Powell was misdiagnosed with when she was in active substance use. Use of drugs like cannabis amongst those who are neurodivergent and experiencing traits associated with mental-illness or neurodivergent like Powell may attribute their addiction or dependence on such substances as a means of self-medication when there might’ve been a failure in receiving an early diagnosis or accessing treatment and support services. This section uses Lydia’s case of cannabis addiction to explore with her individual case of how self-medication can occur and the impact it can have within one persons life and the social perception of addiction.

Looking how Powell explored the correlation of her drug addiction usage and struggles to her neurodivergence she noted that it took an extensive period to realise there could be a link to the reasoning around her substance addiction. With her and many other neurodivergent people who struggle with addiction may be unable to sense how to moderate their usage and work out what is too much. “People have an idea of what addiction looks like. nobody really wants to apply that stigma and shame to themselves.”

Lydia looked back to Christmas of 2023 which was when she began to realise her addiction issues and the negative impacts cannabis was having in her realising it wasn’t having the effect of self-medication and was making her unwell. This was when she first attempted to quit using cannabis. However this didn’t last and what what came next was worse than anything that came before “a situation that makes me quite stressed” described this period as “spiralling for seven weeks.” Meanwhile , she had been lying to her therapist saying “I'm not taking it [marijuana].”

Before she began to experience negative side-effects of marijuana and at a time she may describe her use as self-medication what she shares in her case is how cannabis can relax and calms the brain. How Lydia explains her theory of how it can have positive impacts that it can “shut your brain down. So if you've got a very rapid firing brain, you suffer with anxiety. That particular substance closes the curtains on your brain.You can relax, you can stop, you can sit still.”

Contrastingly, later on of when what had been something that might’ve helped her ADHD traits and improve Powell’s anxiety and depression turned to have the adverse effects from unmoderated use of cannabis. At the height of her addiction “I was doing it all day, every day, nonstop, I couldn't wake up in the morning without thinking that I needed it in order to cope with my day to be able to get up and function.” She goes on contrastingly she contradicts her own words of which could be explained by disordered addiction that creates an internal battle between who controls ones’ life the you or the thing you are addicted to.“I wasn't functioning completely out of it. I was sedating myself I was incredibly paranoid. I thought there was cameras watching me.” What Powell experienced mirrors psychosis as her extreme use of cannabis triggered paranoia which impacted her mental health and possibly a factor of misdiagnoses of mental illness.

During the worst of her struggles of her addiction Lydia was lying to my therapist by telling her therapist that she had already quitted using cannabis while she was in active addiction. While she was lying to her therapist and masking her addiction her mental health was in crisis her the anxiety, the paranoia and her depression was when her addiction was ruining her life. At this point she had to call her therapist and come clean saying “I've lied. I've been struggling with it this whole time.” Which left her therapist disappointed that Lydia concealed the truth of her addiction struggles from her ”I feel like the trust between us is broken, that you've hidden this from me” her therapist responded. By describing how this shattering statement made Lydia feel “Didn't feel shamed by her. I felt hurt that I had broken the trust with my therapist” with the crumbling reality of how severe her addiction became her therapist told her “This is really serious. you need to go to meetings.”

Her addiction was an obstruction to all the things she’d usually do in her life. Typically Powell is a socialite but at the height of her addiction she didn’t want to socialise and be around Hern friends as what she wanted was to go home and smoke marijuana. It became here lifeThis Lydia had mixed feelings about as previously she’d ‘brushed it off’ as before she had denied that she was an addict. But at this point she lost control of her marijuana addiction where she couldn’t stop and her mental health was spiralling to the worst it had been and all her money was being spent on buying marijuana. “I was in a very toxic relationship with a substance” she admits what once became something she had used to self-medicate with “it was no longer helping me in the way it had before. I couldn't moderate it.”

Part 4: How Lydia found support in addiction peer support group meetings

Thereafter, Lydia’s wake-up call from her therapist where she began to accept that she is addicted to marijuana she recognised she did need to go to group meetings for peer addiction support. This is something that Lydia and I felt was important to discuss in this podcast interview and feel that it is important to state in the further reading section at the end of this article you will find relevant resources for addiction support in the ‘olive branch’ section of this website.

Lydia’s first group meeting was online and much like in the movies in someones first group meeting Lydia said that people will simply begin with admitting to the group and saying “I'm an addict” that can be quite confronting so in your first meeting don’t feel your have to go into further detail of your story. “I wasn't ready to say it [I’m an addict] when I first went.” as she still struggled to see that she was an addict and had to overcome denialism of addiction. Sharing about the assumptions Lydia had before she attended her first meeting was that everybody would look “ill shabby, unwashed and being completely honest, homeless people” she bluntly said. But there is diversity in the attendees of peer drug recovery groups there are “people from every area of life.” from “Very successful business owners ordinary office workers [etc.]” Positively describing her fellow recovering addicts as “wonderful, brave people that have gone through hell and back.” Lydia shares how peer support groups have been the greatest reason to how she has been able to maintain sobriety “it actually almost makes me emotional to talk about it, but to sit in a room full of people who have suffered with this illness. brought themselves back and made this enormous change in their lives and then gone on to be successful human beings. There is something so moving. It's actually sending shivers through me to even think about” endorsing how beneficial the groups are and how safe she feels now in speaking in a group meeting “They're so safe .Whatever you say, whatever you hear that stays there.”

.”if you were to go in and see someone that you knew which has happened to me, that was my biggest fear. You completely respect that you're both there for the same reason.”So don't be like afraid of that”. I remember, walking in late once to an early meeting when I started going to the in person meetings she blurted out “Sorry! ADHD moment.” After she walked in late to the meeting. With the response being“Hey, you're in good company. Welcome home!” As she shared this moment she found even thinking of this movement deeply moving pausing to say ”even remembering that now makes me want to cry.” Reflecting of the people in her meeting groups “I’m in a community of my people here that understands me. that's how she really hit me.”

She had noted that she has heard people interject to deny that you can be an addict of marijuana but all drugs and substances can become addictive and become a serious health issue and problem within peoples lives. Addiction can occur from within anything we do. Lydia encourages people to “go online and search up for addiction recovery groups” as if you do “you will find overeaters anonymous.You will find sex and love addicts anonymous.” And many more addiction recovery groups that specialise in different forms of addictions. “People seeking recovery they may feel ashamed that their addiction isn't bad enough, or the substance they're addicted to isn't bad enough” but “if you do, attend meetings, you will hear people that have been through things that you haven’t" and can make you doubt thinking you’re in the wrong place and shouldn't be here “I haven't had that experience what they will say to you in like recovery meetings is listen for the similarities, not the differences, find that connection with other people.” the shame and stigma is not just around being an addict. It can be around what you're addicted to. And how that affects your life some addictions can have more visible consequences.

Lydia’s life has last nine months prior to our interview has changed in the most part by attending the aforementioned peer addiction support group meeting emphasising the importance to take it “one step at a time.” Advising people who are struggling with addiction to seek out 12 step programmes and. For attendees to consider making a donation at meetings reminding people attendance is free.

Part 5: The Argument of decriminalisation of drugs such as cannabis

Britain still has a ‘war on drugs’ era policy on approach to the consumption and trade of substances of which remain illegal. Nations and states from Chile, California and Croatia where drug consumption and sale of drugs have been legalised. Does the United Kingdom have the correct approach of to drug legislation?

Lydia offers a nuanced perspective to whether drugs should be legalised and how drug policy changes should be implemented but her opinion is that drugs need to be decriminalised. Powell has said that she has watched a TED talk by Johan Hari which has informed her opinion. In his TED talk Hari discussed how Portugal has decriminalised drugs and effectively achieved a positive outcomes from decriminalising drugs in 2001 and has seen reductions in drug related deaths and increase in addicting and substance use related services.

When I was in Lydia was heavily smoking marijuana she was pro-legalisation for trade of marijuana much like how vape and e-cigarettes are sold. Initiating her recovery her opinion changed to thinking legalisation would be wrong this change of opinion was linked to how recovering addicts in North America who she knew through their path of sobriety where you can purchase marijuana from a store and that level of accessibility to the substance you addicted to can hinder your addiction recovery.

It’s important to a differentiate between legalisation and decriminalisation. Legalisation would mean the regulated sales and trade of drugs where it could be a welcomed part of the economy whereas decriminalisation without legalisation may not allow the trade and sale of drugs but would allow for the consumption of drugs to be treated as a health issue not a criminal matter of which Powell supports. Powell says “There, there should be no criminal intervention for somebody that is addicted to drugs.” Highlighting its a physical and mental health issue and needs to be treated as such with investment in the healthcare services for addicts. Furthermore, she notes notes that although she hasn’t received addiction support through the healthcare system in the United Kingdom but of those who know that have had Powell hints that “the NHS way of dealing with (drug addiction recovery) from what I've seen, I don't think they're sufficient or working.”She goes on to repeat that “criminalising drug taking, drug use does not work. It makes the situation worse.”, “People will always consume substances. Look at prohibition times people were still drinking alcohol.”

Drug consumption can be common in indigenous cultures substances like ayahuasca popular in South America and whilst in nations like Jamaica marijuana remains illegal Rastafarian communities promote the use of smoking marijuana with some cultures describing it as a ‘sacred plant’ where both cannabis and ayahuasca can be connected to spiritual experiences. In addition drug consumption is often a part of socialisation like with the consumption of alcohol drugs are often communally consumed to ‘enhance the experience’. People’s relationship with marijuana and consumption of cannabis can be medicinal that they can manage and have a health relationship with that they can take infrequently without becoming an addiction. For Lydia it is impossible but this isn’t the case for everyone much like with alcohol “substance use does not equal substance abuse.” If it’s not alcohol or drugs “other things would fill that void”

There is hesitancy for public and governments to support the legalisation of drugs for recreational processes as there is still a common mindset that addiction is a lifestyle choice not an illness. Legalising the sale of drugs and consumption people assume the problem will worsen if it was legalised and purchasing illegal substances as common as walking into a store and being able to buy off the shelf much like alcohol but Powell assumes that “If they did legalise drugs, I don't think you're ever going to walk into a Sainsbury's and be able to buy marijuana.” arguing that legalisation could potentially promote safe consumption and open up conversations for a healthy relationship with drugs if regulated fairly.

Firstly, Practical first step is working on helping addicts through the healthcare system and providing support to recovering addicts within their communities before legalising drugs through the means of decriminalisation of drug consumption and take a healthcare informed approach over criminalising consumers this could hope to see reduction of deaths caused by drug consumption and addiction. The transition to legalise would be economically beneficial if peoples wellbeing improved by providing early treatment making drug healthcare more accessible avoiding the worst impacts of addiction. Looking at the first step of drug decriminalisation with a focus on safe consumption Scotland has now launched the United Kingdom’s first ever safe drug consumption rooms the Scottish government is looking at alternative measures to resolve the countries high level drug deaths to increase access to drug advice and counselling to access to allow people to consume drugs with clean equipment.

Secondly, followed by legalisation of drugs that promotes safe consumption and access to ‘clean drugs’ for consumers and not being exposed to criminal activity by ending the black market of the drugs trade. This is something that Powell recognises her argument is unpopular with risk of an increase of drug consumption a phased transition to legalising of drugs is something where the benefits outweigh the concerns. Powell’s transitional path to legalising drugs offers a practical approach that could be successful if adopted. The status quo is “just unhelpful to everyone. It fills our prisons up. It costs us a lot of money as a taxpayer.” Powell argues. Further arguing “We have the NHS. Addicts and drug users are just as entitled to that judgment free healthcare and support as anybody else. Healthcare is a human right.” Pleading that “We owe addicts just as much love, care and support as we owe anybody else with any other illness.”

Part 6: How Lydia Maintains Her Sobriety

The importance for stimming autistic & ADHD in the process of addiction recovery

May the 28th was the day everything changed for Lydia as it was the last day she touched cannabis and stopped lying to her therapist and told her, her addiction got to crisis point. On that day Lydia found “real strength of I'm in an awful place.” she was simply done with cannabis. Although it isn’t as isn’t as easy as being done with it, “It took a long time of withdrawal.” What helped Lydia is that she had something she wanted to prove to herself and that she could live without marijuana. She wanted to gain a sense of control and not be ruled by her substance addiction and re-discover who she was when she is sober. at she hasn’t until starting sobriety been sober whilst being diagnosed as ADHD and understanding who she is as an ADHD person who is sober is important for Lydia.

In her path to recovery Lydia wanted to have a great relationship with my therapist and knew she had to put the work in to make that happen. She attended her first sobriety meeting on the second day of being sober. Her therapist advised her a minimum of one meeting per day for the first 30-90 days of her sobriety. “It seemed really intimidating.” Lydia first found. For the first three weeks she managed the minimum of the one meeting a day on an online meet-ups often going between two to three times a day. It took a while until Lydia’s first in person meeting. The first day of Lydia’s sobriety was a struggle since it was a day of dong nothing and with her addiction grew a disconnect with the outsider world but she found meetings do fill the void in connection. Lydia craves social interaction and in the evenings are the time when attending meetings became essential at these times with meetings lasting from an hour to three hours long describing the evenings as “the time when everything goes quiet and her brain gets really loud.” With the 12 step recovery programme she takes each day of recovery at a time.

Moving on in the conversation on stimming Lydia also explored her experiences with stimming and her safe foods as before in the previous conversation Lydia opened up about her previous experiences with disordered eating. In this interview she further explored her relationship with food which can link to her oral-fixations and stimming. This conversation around stimming did help to explain Lydia’s substance use and addiction and how it links to stimming and oral-fixations.

What has aided Lydia in maintaining her sobriety is increasing time spent socialising with friends and also socialising through playing sports and engaging in exercise and making healthy lifestyle choices. In addition to this, she has learnt to spend time focusing on watching TV shows and movies due to her restless ADHD traits and like other people with ADHD traits concentrating on TV shows can seem like a big commitment something I can relate to especially with picking up and finishing a book. This has been something difficult to do as one of the key challenges for Lydia has been that for the first time in her adult life she with consultation with her therapist has embarked on a year of being single. Throughout her adult life Powell has been in relationships and learning to be on her own can pose a further challenges she has expressed that she has in the evenings that can trigger loneliness. Engaging in different activities as well as offering a distraction from thinking of substance use and combat loneliness it can too combat ADHD paralysis.

What people don’t realise is that for people with are neurodivergent conditions such as autism and or ADHD what you become addicted to is classified as a stim. For neurodivergent people we need sensory stimulation and that for Lydia has been smoking marijuana and vaping, the latter something that she is still actively doing and working to quitting, both are classed as oral-stimming equal to that of oral-fixation. Since recovery her levels of dopamine became significantly altered as marijuana provides an instant dopamine hit which is something that can alter pleasure receptors. She has often found stimulation from social interact describing her self as a ‘massive extrovert’.

Concluding this section Lydia explored her experiences with stimming and her safe foods. Previously, Lydia shared in our last conversation about her experiences with disordered eating but in this interview she further explored her relationship with food which can link to her oral-fixations and stimming sharing her love for spicy food claiming she eats “chilies like it's an apple.” Spicy foods form her safe foods which include buffalo fried chicken with blue cheese sauce, fizzy sweets and drinks, tangfastics and sour foods that also include anchovies and pickles.

Part 7: Trialing ADHD stimulant medication in sobriety

In our previous interview Lydia disclosed that she had previously tried taking ADHD stimulant medication before with Ritalin she suffered negative side-effects causing frequent and disabling tic attacks where with the serious impacts of her tic disorder made it difficult for Powell to go outside and made it impossible for her to drive. However, since now she is sober she has wished to trial Vyvanse when Powell consulted with her doctor her responded “you might” and that Powell would most likely find since she is sober there would be a different reaction. When she started the trail she admitted that she was terrified “I thought what if I have a major tic attack? I've had no tics.” She noted. When we were recording it was her third day trailing the medication and she had no tics or tic attacks. She does and have had physical stims that mirror her tics of which she has experienced through her life that typically look like fidgeting. Throughout her childhood her tics went unnoticed as they appeared as mild until her tics developed into tic attacks and the disabling impact of her tic disorder became prevalent in her everyday life. “I just thought it was fidgeting” she described her tics in her childhood.

Exploring negative stimming behaviours with common examples that include skin picking, or like picking your lips. Drug and substance use can be forms of stimming in our chat this seemed a revelation to Powell “I've never really thought about drug use in the form of stimming before. Now my brain's going off a hundred miles an hour, because I'm thinking, oh my god, is that stimming?” Right now Lydia is in the process of quitting vaping “It's not going very well.” She admits that ”[It’s not] the nicotine with vaping it's the oral fixation.” At the local vape shop Lydia purchases her vapes at the shop worker asked“you don't actually smoke a lot, do you?” As she purchases vapes infrequent. “I hold it in my hand. [I] like having it like on my lips.”With our discussion being centred around negative stimming she states “a lot of stimming are not detrimental but we can face judgement from other people for how we stim” Lydia is a hyperactive person “growing up, I'd get looked at funny.” Going on to explore her unmasking as a child “I used to skip everywhere. I think that's really cute”

Part 8: Reframing Lydia’s neurodivergent identity in sobriety

Much has changed for Lydia since she has become sobriety the few years after you get diagnosed, just starting to understand yourself and figure yourself out, you do start to, One of the things for me that I think really formed like a major part of my identity crisis in the first place was starting to understand masking.”I always understood the concept of masking, but it never clicked into my brain that forcing eye-contact was a part of masking my neurodivergence.” Lydia has learnt how draining and uncomfortable masking has been for herself with forcing herself to maintain eye-contact has been for herself. Maintaining eye contact is a challenge for herself but she states “I don't tend to struggle socially and have high social intelligence.” She realised this when she attended a about ADHD at the Glee Club in Birmingham which she attended with her friend who too has ADHD when they left her friend was “talking to me in the car and I wasn't listening to a word she said because I was screaming just silently crying.I felt like I just understood how much I masked. It was such a revelation.”

She shares that since being sober her mental heath has been improved and is able to implement strategies and techniques to better be able to deal with feelings of anxiety and depression.

It was Lydia’s mother who at first began to point out her autistic traits. Lydia’s mother works with neurodivergent children and children with additional need in. Like many late diagnosed women who fit the profiles of both ADHD and autism Powell has developed social skills and to mask her autistic traits and assimilate with allistic people. Since we last spoke on the podcast and gone through a period of deep interception and discovering her identity I've become aware of the autistic traits that she has.

Progressing on to explore Lydia’s autistic traits include not liking change be it change of environment, change of routine and structure of which whilst not being a ‘scrooge’ she has grown to learn that she hates Christmas. For Lydia this includes not liking surprises the social expectations of gift giving and how to react to gifts giving. Mostly struggling with Christmas’s stressful and panic driven nature. Although her hate of Christmas due to her autistic traits clashwes with her excitable ADHD nature which depicts the clash of neurodivergent traits in the ‘Audhd’ neurotype where the traits she associates with her ADHD that include seeking sensory stimulation chasing for new, interesting things to give a shot of dopamine but with her autism traits she struggles to manage change and needs routine and structure. At loves the sparkling lights and the singing of Mariah Carey but she also finds Christmas challenging with a lack of familiarity where being in a different environment stresses her out this I strongly relate to.

With her routines she gets a coffee every day from her local coffee shop of which she wishes to change but has been an essential part to her days routine. This part of her routine is an example of how Christmas can be challenging for autistic people with the disruption to minor parts of daily routines on Christmas Day as Powell’s local coffee store is shut for the day she can not take myself away and go and get a coffee. She went on to say that that “It ruined Christmas for me last year that I couldn't go and get a coffee.”, “It really threw me off.” What she struggles with throughout the Christmas season which can cause many autistic people seasonal burnout, shutdowns and meltdowns is feeling that socialisation is forced. Meltdown, shutdowns and burnouts at Christmas can be caused by the fatigue of sensory stimuli and exposure over the festive seasons. Like many autistic people finding space to regulate and recharge social batteries is important to Lydia to avoid shutting down and having a safe space to take of the mask.

Part 9: Exploring the neurodivergent and autism spectrum

Lydia’s unorthodox lens of what is means to be neurodivergent and the complex maize of neurodivergent traits

We are all know how autism is a spectrum with the autism spectrum people have a percieved misconception that the autism spectrum is linear as a abstract concept the spectrum is greater and more complex than visible linear perspective of how for decades autism and neurodiversity has been recognised and visualised as. She tried and but somewhat struggled to comprehensively explain how she perceives neurodivergency and the spectrum. How she tried to explain the neurodivergent spectrum was through the following analogy “If you imagine that on each finger, there's a kind of a symptom of neurodivergence. But imagine I've got like thousands of fingers, not just, this pathetic measly five that I've been lumbered with.you've got: time blindness, struggles with eye contact [etc.]” trying to reframe an alternative means of explaining the neurodivergent spectrum using the notion of a “spider diagram with of every single neurodivergent symptom” including traits across and associated with dyspraxia, dyslexia BPD, autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety etc. Lydia sees these traits of these neurodivergent conditions belonging to a broader neurodivergent spectrum than singular diagnosable conditions with some people aligning with one conditional label more than another.

She argues that as neurodivergent people “we all crossing over with each other.” Going on to say she often asks questions like “oh my gosh, am I a bit dyslexic? Or I a bit OCD? Or am I a bit autistic?” The has addressed this with her psychiatrist and “he's never said it explicitly.my autism needs things to be said explicitly but I think what he's saying is “You do have all of those traits”.”

Lydia Powell’s current and diagnoses are ADHD a tic disorder and she self diagnosed and identifies as autistic. She embraces the social model of neurodivergency and neurodiversity that is in how neurodivergent conditions are diagnosed today are unorthodox. She sees benefits in having specific labels like ADHD of which is her primary neuro-type with the most dominant traits. Having specific diagnosis can be more convenient in the current system resources of accessing support and the treatment for neurodivergent conditions and traits. This can help gain a wider connection to a community with shared ADHD traits and accessing support services for addiction and sobriety of self-medicating for neurodivergent traits. How addiction support services and ADHD communities can intersect is through Lydia’s journey through with sobriety she has connected with other ADHD people with similar addiction issues as Powell links this to self-medicating impulsivity and dopamine imbalances in the ADHD brain.

Reverting back to Lydia’s unorthodox view to neurodivergent neuro-types she recognises that she has dyslexic traits. Due to having dyslexia traits, a diagnosis of Tourette’s syndrome in the previous interview Powell addressed how her tic attacks were stronger at the time of when we recorded the first interview when she was actively self medicating with cannabis and had an uptick in tic attacks when was on prescribed stimulants for her ADHD traits, with self-diagnosed as autistic to previous experiences with disordered eating and previous misdiagnoses of bipolar disorder she whilst using terms like ADHD to describe herself sees herself as a neurodivergent person as she says “I'm just seeing myself as a neurodivergent person with a really special and interesting brain and outlook on things that I'm so proud of.”

She paints the umbrella of neurodivergent as possibly belonging to a greater spectrum of neurodivergent traits that builds on the notion of the autistic spectrum as a wide umbrella of traits with contrasting ways to be autistic and how challenges can present across communication and sensory needs but sees that the autism spectrum and neurodivergent spectrum could be seen differently. Again referencing how she relates to traits of autism, OCD, dyslexia. On in within the intersections of autism and ADHD

She has moved through her twenties to learn, understand and importantly achieve self acceptance of identifying with neurodivergent label as a primary label to describe herself. Using the term ‘neurodivergent’ as a means of identifying oneself over terms like ADHD and autism remains a contentious issue. I politely challenged this notion and emphasise how this can be contentious for people who have with specific diagnosis’s who are faced with their disability being invalidated and misrepresented and he issues of how people sometimes say “We are are all a bit autistic” or “I’m a little bit OCD”. What Lydia finds from identifying as neurodivergent can make a person like Lydia feel connected with a wider community of people. “I'm a big empath.” Powell describes her love of neurodivergent people and says how she can identify autistic people in a crowd and emphasising her neurodivergence is influenced by traits of other neurodivergent conditions.Lydia shares how she is attracted to and wants to be near people who share similar neurodivergence to herself “It’s so comforting to me,” She says “One of the really beautiful things about neurodivergent people are naturally authentic, even if we're going through phases of trying to figure out ourselves”

Being neurodivergent there is a much likely chance of being divergent in other aspects of social identity including divergence in sexuality and gender with some people coining the terms ‘neuro-queer’ or ‘autigender’ to describe the neurodivergence from the typical binaries found in sexuality and gender. This is ‘personal development’ Powell argues.and further goes on yo make the case that, “We live in an exciting time because it’s [neurodivergency] becoming more recognised now.” Powell feeling optimistic about the future states that neurodivergent people are learning our strengths and are being able to understand our neurodivergence and that “society is starting to learn from us. It’s the neurodivergent revolution.” However she concedes “it might have to get worse before it gets better”

Part 10: How Lydia approaches confidence coaching neurodivergent people since becoming sober

With coaching neurodivergent people to become more confident within themselves is linked to being a empath and how much of a ‘sensitive person’ Lydia is as see describes. Being impulsive Lydia find herself pushing into situations that scare her and challenge abut she sees this is something that other neurodivergent women because of lack of confidence might struggle to do this. “The world isn’t designed for neurodivergent women and wider neurodivergent women.” Lydia describes after noticing the challenges others faced throughout her career. She wishes to share her confidence and aid other neurodivergent women who may have similar challenges and lived experiences to herself with hopes to empower their career and helping them on their personal journey of growth and enabling them to self advocate. “sense of injustice and ability to self advocate is something that has been a natural ability that I’ve had since I was a child.” Lydia says. “This hasn’t been easy for me to and for me I haven’t felt consistently confident but this is something I was able to work and develop on”.

Through her recent path of sobriety has lead to a significant change that has bettered her abilities as a confidence coach

“I feel that we should help each other! Anybody can crash! No matter how confident you are your life can change.The rug gets pulled from under your feet and I've had to rebuild my confidence from scratch again. It’s been really difficult, soul crushing, but it's proved to me again, you can build confidence, you can ask for the things you want, you can go out of your comfort zone, everything will be okay. Work on the inner critic. We all have that inner critic.”

Through social masking people have commented to Lydia by saying “you're so confident and charismatic” I went to that ADHD talk which led to a ‘huge identity crisis’ making Lydia realised she built up social masking, “It felt that it was a part of my personality being a social butterfly. This was something that I manufactured to protect me and it's not who I am.” Leaving her stunned and lost “I’m not actually confident. I'm deeply insecure, and I'm crumbling apart at the seams.” Lydia reminisced of how her best friend from her childhood shared a radical change of her behaviour in her formative teenage years where it seemed that overnight she went from a shy and quiet child “I'm bored of this, I'm going to change.” And Lydia’s friend said that Lydia did.

Part 11: Conclusion - Lessons in Sobriety and Addiction Management

Lydia concludes by sharing the importance of self-compassion and sage advice to those navigating addiction and confidence issues by opening up and saying “confidence is a muscle. Everybody is insecure about something. I struggle too.” who like Lydia have suffered from addiction from substance use that began as a means of self-medicating neurodivergent traits. Earlier on Powell described how her path to recovery began with recognition of how it began to be negatively impacting her life and mood. When trying to confront this problem there are several things that have to be done; one, you have to be kind to yourself and desire to change and choose sobriety; two, to begin to navigate how to accept your addiction and work to a path to sustained sobriety community is important.

Concluding on her journey to sobriety she states that “I feel awake, I feel alive, I feel proud of who I am, proud of the work I've put in. And so when I step out into the world now, I do think I'm happy to be here. I'm proud of who I think that has changed everything for me.” To encourage others on their journey of addiction recovery she shares a quote that she has from alcoholics anonymous “I’ll take another twenty-four” encouraging the importance of sobriety is to take sobriety day by day and also highlighting the importance of living in the presence. Powell concludes the interview by encouraging the audience with these motivational words “I'll take another day! and that's all you focus on, o'll take another 24. And I hope you guys do too.”